I will not fall off the deep end.

I will not let this break up define me.

I am not worthless, weak or unlovable because he cheated.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had to pop a Xanax during the day. Almost exclusively it’s a conduit to a good night sleep when my mind is running a race I can’t keep up with. Now I’d like to sleep all day and night.

The thing is, for once in my life I had felt safe. Now everything is sinister and nothing seems familiar. 



I’ll be trying to write more. Hell, I’ve got nothing else to do. 



June 27, 2014 · 11:05 am

11 responses to “

  1. hellokalykitty



  2. So sorry…take care of yourself!


  3. That sly bastard!

    Great job for making it this far before you had to pop that xanax. Don’t worry about consistency, I’m on blog holiday, too (lack of inspiration). I’ll stil be lurking around with a virtual hug should you need one, though.

    This has gotta really hurt. Be brave. The pain will fade – it always does eventually. xx


  4. Oh girl oh girl oh girl. All of those things are true. You are not weak, you are not worthless. This is gonna be rough.

    I’ve relied on boyfriends in the past, to get me through depressive episodes. It’s so much harder to be alone, and trust that my brain can take care of me.

    The world is still the same place it was before he hurt you. You can find safety and familiarity, hell, you can make your own safety. He’s gone, and you are strong.

    And my words don’t help much, but I’m glad you’re still writing.


  5. Hugs, hugs and more hugs. Any break up feels as though someone pulled the rug from under you. It’s even worse when there’s infidelity. It sucks and it hurts but each day brings healing and in time he won’t even be thought in your mind. Until then try to keep pushing on. You’ve got a lot of people here that care about you and support you.


  6. So sorry hun … I know the pain of infidelity only too well. It says nothing about you at all, even if your mind is telling you otherwise.


  7. I am so sorry. I know what this is like, when the rug is pulled out from under you in such a way. You be strong and do lots of self care. Cheating is ridiculous in a free society like ours.


  8. I am so sorry. Just remember that anything he may have done was up to him. You are not responsible for his (or anyone else’s for that matter) actions. And so yes, everything you have written is true. Hugs to you…


  9. I send you my love. You deserve devotion.


  10. Hello My Sister,
    You are always on my mind, praying you feel the love I’m sending. Regardless of what happens in our life, WE ARE ALWAYS WORTHY. Shit will continue till the day we die, we can count on that. It’s our strength, we know in our gut we will make it thru to the other side. When we are wading deep in sorrow, shit life throws our way, we may not instantly feel strong. Look in your heart, soul, your gut, your mind, there you’re able to see what you are made of and that you can jump over any hurdle, pile of shit, or heartache you cross. I didn’t know you were writing and not reposting at CTC, it’s weird, I’m following you but didn’t know you had new post.
    You have a friend, sister and a hand reaching out for you anytime you need me.
    Your CTC Sister Warrior Hugs!


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