Today has been a bad day to be a woman with BPD. I’m well aware there are plenty of men with borderline personality, but god damn it when I get my period all hell breaks lose. My hormones exasperate all my symptoms, especially my absolute hatred for myself. I’ve spent an entire day picking apart every inch of my flimsy substance.
Not to mention how I felt after I read this article. Please, read this with care. It is an absolute piece of trash and completely degrading to mental illness and the entire female gender. It made me feel low, lower than low. I know that it’s all just hateful slander and I know I’ll never meet these men and they will never know how wonderful of a person I can be. But then there is the much louder voice in my head that reads so many of those lines and know I’ve been that girl. I have hurt people. I act like a child. I am unstable. Maybe they’re right.
I am an absolute bummer right now. I can’t promise myself I won’t use destructive coping measures, but I will do my best to use the least harmful. I wish I could just be fucking happy for an extended period of time. I’d take a week, I really would. I’m so sick of being thrown into a vortex of suffering over every little misstep. I’m going to take a Xanax and make a pros and cons list of why I should be alive. Order calms me down since there is so little of it in my head.
Don’t worry about me.