My inspiration is lacking

I wish I had something insightful to pass on to you to tonight, something inventive. To tell the truth, my creativity is descending with each thought my mind manifests. I’ve been experiencing intense feelings, I guess that’s how I can sum it up. My speech hasn’t been normal, I can hardly get a thought out without stuttering or slurring. My mind is racing far too fast for the my tongue to produce the oncoming thoughts. My aggravation is high, I’ve been punching myself, feeling an intense pain inside me. Like I’m ready to explode with an angry energy, not angry in the sense I’m unhappy, the energy just weighs heavy on me. My mind feels like taffy, being pulled and twisted by some unseen force. I can hardly keep a thought constant. That is why I have nothing astute to pass on to those who choose to read my ramblings. I wish to be a poet, I wish to be someone who imparts wisdom on others, someone to be remembered for her kindness and determination to her convictions. I wish to reach you all with my tender palms and guide you through your pain. I take on too much, I gather others sufferance and secure it to mine.

I feel like a wave of madness approaches, the waters lap at my door. Every moment of my life is on the border of pure insanity. I live every breath on the curb of a break down. I wish I had creativity for you all, but I have nothing to give.

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18 Comments

Filed under Mental Illness

18 responses to “My inspiration is lacking

  1. sc0pic

    Good enough for tonight my friend. Rest easy.

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  2. Your words impart feelings and knowledge which i can understand and i know where you are coming from. x

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  3. You may be surprised what you give by simply telling others your thoughts. I have had my share of bloody knuckles recently. We struggle and we persist. I know there are brighter days ahead, for myself and anyone that persists and keeps focused on their goals. Though focus can be hard to maintain when things get dark. Keep writing even when you feel you are not writing anything ‘inventive’.

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  4. This IS creative. If you write down what you’re feeling now, you’ll be able to remember it better when you re-read it, and use it one day. xx

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  5. You have PLENTY to give, and you’ve given tonight. Thank you. Chin up.

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  6. I know the feeling you’re talking about, so you better hit a dancefloor soon or you might hit somebody! I was feeling how you did, and hit someone condescending for being disrespectful to a very polite immigrant worker who hardly knew english, Needless to say, the red energy you speak of let me that night and I feel much more relaxed.

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  7. Zach

    This is beautiful. You portray your mind in a way that shows how deep it actually goes. I’ve been feeling like this too, recently. I’m staying calm though, and thank you for making this. It makes me feel as if there is more than me out there who share the same thoughts. Terrible thoughts, at that. I hope it gets better with a little time.

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  8. Zach

    Could there be a way for me to talk with you privately? I saw you on Blah and I think I sent something there, I just needed a little help figuring something out. If that’s okay? Or, email?

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  9. Wow , I just adore you. I can relate to what you speak of in every post. Been there a hundred thousand times.
    You truly paint the picture of bpd and can express it in a beautiful , artistic way with words.
    I’m going to follow you now , if you don’t mind. Would love to be in touch . I truly understand the constant maddening and chaotic thoughts that bpd , OCD and anxiety produce together. It’s a special kind of hell, isn’t it.
    We should pay ourselves on the back every day we make it through the dark waters.

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  10. Sounds very poetic to me… hope you’re better. I guess I’ll find out as I read along. :P {{hugs}}

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